Exploring the many paths at the end of the road
Saturday, July 30th, 2011
You are getting older. Like it or not, Woody Allen was right—“There is no getting out of here alive.” You might as well get used to the idea now. In fact, making plans for your end of life care could be the greatest gift you can give to your family and friends.
In the new book Last Acts of Kindness, Judith Redwing Keyssar, San Francisco Registered Nurse and end of life care specialist, offers compelling, poignant stories and the most valuable lessons learned from people who lived and died among us. Drawing from over 25 years of experience in palliative care, she shares what the dying teach us about the art of living fully.
Plato told us that the most important thing in life is to “practice dying,” Keyssar says. “The problem is that in America, the word “death” is still taboo.” Keyssar believes that the remedy is in educating ourselves.
Last Acts of Kindness explores the fear and confusion that often occurs around a terminally ill person. The stories emphasize the benefits and importance of planning when we are not in crisis. With grace, poise and eloquence, Keyssar presents guidance to the many questions and technical issues so that one can acquire a real understanding of the relationships and human connections that are needed to achieve successful caring of the person at the center of the wheel.
Keyssar shares insights aplenty and provides a comprehensive roadmap to navigate the process.
“Real life support” is not a function of wealth or technology. It is a function of compassion, understanding, and love. Navigating this complicated and inevitable journey requires knowledge of our beliefs, personal desires, and the relationships we have with the people around us.
“We need to know what the options look like—dying at home, in hospitals, in facilities.”
Conversations with family, friends, and healthcare providers need to happen well in advance, over time, and not in last two weeks of life. ‘Advance directives’ should be written when we are healthy, reviewed regularly, and discussed thoroughly with our “agents,” our families, loved ones, friends, and the doctors who will be taking charge when the time comes.
Death is a sacred event no matter where it occurs. Witnessing a death is a gift to our own transformation. It teaches us about having gratitude for life and appreciation of the importance of living each moment as fully as possible. Love is the most important skill we have, when caring for the dying, and we are all capable of this.
“Ushering the Spirit out of the body feels like a divine experience, just as I have felt ushering a baby into this world”.
We must all learn how to be patient advocates, and ask for what is needed. Dying with grace and integrity does not mean giving up hope at all. We need to learn to be flexible. We need to know when it is time to accept the inevitable.
“What we hope for can change, but it does not mean letting go of hope.”
Hope for a cure changes to hope for comfort. Hope to live for a year changes to hope to live in the moment. Hope to travel far away can change to hope to walk out into the garden. Hope is a matter of heart.
Death is the ultimate journey we all take, Let’s prepare for it, talk about it, share our stories.
Last Acts of Kindness
Lessons for the Living…
from the Bedsides of the Dying
Judith Redwing Keyssar
www.lastactsofkindness.com
List $15.95, 224 pages, soft cover
ISBN-10: 1453749233
ISBN-13: 978-1453749234
About the Author:
Judith Redwing Keyssar, RN, BA, is the Director of the Palliative and End-of-Life Care Program at Seniors at Home, a division of Jewish Family and Children’s Services (JFCS) of the San Francisco Bay Area. Previously, she was the Director of Patient Care Services for Zen Hospice Project (ZHP). Ms. Keyssar also spent fifteen years working in intensive care, oncology and hospice.
What People Are Saying
“These stories carry a profound message about the core of the healing process – it’s about the power of relationships and human connections. Harvard Professor, Dr Francis Peabody said it best nearly a hundred years ago when he said, “The secret of the care of the patient is in caring for the patient.” ~ Dr. Diane Meier, Director, Center to Advance Palliative Care
“Illustrated with the compelling and poignant stories of patients facing the end of life in different settings, Redwing Keyssar’s book offers clinicians a chance to quietly and honestly consider the deep meanings of what we do. Reading this we will learn how to be more present and more helpful to those we serve. But in some ways, the finest gifts are reserved for us personally. In reading these stories, we will grow in appreciation of the sacred privileges of our work and the wonder and connection of our own lives.” ~ Dr.Michael Rabow, Director, Symptom Management Service, UCSF Helen Diller Family Comprehensive Cancer Center, University of California, San Francisco
“The “Last Acts of Kindness…” is indeed a wonderful message to the living woven together in a beautiful quilt from the bedsides of the dying. This collection of life stories asks the reader to think deeply about death as a spiritual experience rather than a medical failure . It is written from the vision of an expert midwife to the dying, Redwing Keyssar and is rich in clinical wisdom.” ~ Betty Ferrell PhD, MA, FAAN, FPCN, Research Scientist and Professor, City of Hope National Medical Center, Principal Investigator, the End of Life Nursing Education Consortium (ELNEC)
“Utilizing the power of story, Redwing uses her gifts to teach and remind us of the many lessons inherent in the journey of dying and death. Reading as both nurse and person, I am gently guided in, and reminded of, the essential lessons Redwing has captured in her lovingly told stories. I finish Redwing’s path of story filled with hope, gratitude, comfort, and possibility.” ~ Betty J. Carmack, R.N., Ed.D., Professor Emerita, University of San Francisco School of Nursing.
“I’ve bought this book to give it to colleagues, and folks I hope will be inspired to become colleagues. Last Acts of Kindness is an important part of my toolkit for explaining hospice and palliative medicine to the lay community. Every hospice volunteer should read it. All hospice librarians need to have it in their collection.” ~ Patrick Clary, MD, DIrector, New Hampshire Palliative Care Service
“The gift of your book providing a sense of clarity, perhaps a sense of direction, and most definitely comfort… I felt so alone in the process of my father’s illness, yet, through your book, with concrete stories, I understood that we are all connected—we all go through this and there are infinite possibilities…” ~ Linda W., Architect from New Mexico
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